


Hacked.

by meetmebackat221bbakerstreet



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Multi, it's hilarious, like really sassy, reader/kylo ren, you are very sassy, you make up funny names for the characters, you/kylo ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-15 03:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5769718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meetmebackat221bbakerstreet/pseuds/meetmebackat221bbakerstreet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You thought you were sneaking onto a ship that had a lot of cool things for you to stare and admire. You didn't expect it to be a First Order ship. You definitely didn't expect them to whisk you away to Starkiller base to be used as their personal hacker. </p>
<p>With your bad impulse control and witty way with words, you dig yourself into a hole that will be hard to get out of. Especially since Kylo Ren is involved.</p>
<p>___________________________________________________________________________________________</p>
<p>"I didn't think people actually used this kind of record keeping now a days but this planet is definitely way behind in the times. You are clever, very clever. You think you can get out of this by thinking you're some dumb kid-"</p>
<p>"Hey, I was dumb enough to walk right into the hands of the First Order so before you go praising me, just remember that. Very stupid. Very dumb." you stated, shrugging your shoulders and hoping he wasn't going to recruit you into their cause.</p>
<p>"You're useful."</p>
<p>Well, fuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to Hacked. Basically, this is what would happen if I got captured by the First Order. Being a smart ass and getting in more trouble because of it.  
> Have fun!

_Okay, so I probably should have thought this through a little more_ , you think to yourself as you pull on the restraints, knowing it was hopeless. You didn't think the First Order was going to actually come to your small home planet and actually set up a base there. It just didn't happen to small planets like yours. For entertainment, you like to sneak into the ships that rarely dock there and take a peak inside and see what you can learn. You've been obsessed with space crafts your whole life and getting to see foreign ones was rare so you grabbed at every opportunity. 

This however, was such a big mistake that you are literally kicking your past self. And your current self. Honestly, you'll probably always regret this, if you make it out of here alive. 

Since you work all day at the mechanic shop, you didn't see the ship dock. You definitely didn't see the Stormtroppers march out of there or else you would have not have tried to sneak into the ship in the first place. 

So when you walked into the ship, thinking you were the most sly person ever, you certainly didn't expect to see people on there. You most definitely weren't planning to see the First Order. Before you could even get out a noise, two Stormtroopers came and dragged you out and put you in a cell, on a cold chair, with cold ass restraints that are digging into your skin by the minute. 

You know no one is out looking for you because your family is dead and no one here is friendly. You live in a small planet with small-minded people. You woke up, went to work, went to sleep, snuck into ships and that was your life. Every time you sneak onto a ship, you think about just taking off. But you never do. As much as you wanted to, you were too scared and not very brave. Certainly not brave enough to venture out into space alone.

You've already made peace with the face you were going to die alone on the god dammed planet. You just didn't exactly have the whole, killed-by-the-First-Oder-cause-I'm-a-sneaky-peace-of-shit, in mind.

The door suddenly opened and you perked your head up. You had it hanging behind the back of the chair, cursing yourself for being a dumbass. Honestly, no different than any other day, but this time you genuinely meant it.

Standing before you was a man with red hair peaking out of a green military hat. He also had a green suit on that had all types of badges and ribbons on it. So basically, this guy was tough shit. He had his face clean shaven, even though according to the creases around his eyes, he could easily have had a full beard. Damn those military regulations. 

On the left side of his suit, there was a gold name plate that said, _Hux._

He starred at you some time.

"So. Am I dead or?" you finally asked, waiting for this guy to just say something.

"What business did you have coming aboard a First Order ship?" countered Hux, not even bothering to answer your question. 

"Honestly, I had no idea this was a First Order ship. I just sneak onto ships every time they're docked. Had I known, I would have definitely only thought about sneaking aboard the ship before convincing myself this would be a bad idea and then I would have gone home. Really kicking myself for not doing that, to be honest." you sighed, really feeling the regret seeking in deeper and deeper.

General Green Suit quirked and eyebrow, "May I ask why you sneak into ships that do not belong to you?"

"Okay, I know, it's stupid," you roll your eyes, "But we rarely get ships from out of planet let alone out of the star system. I get curious. I like ships. I'm good with ships."

"And you have never bothered to take one?" asked Green Suit.

"Nah," you shrugged, "It doesn't actually belong to me, does it? I would get mad if someone just stole my ship. But hey, they can admire my metaphorical ship all they want. Wait, that sounded bad. You get the idea."

Green Suit now raised both eyebrows at you, shocked at your choice of words. Honestly, your intent was to make it seem like you were some dumb kid just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Which is exactly what it was but you weren't nearly as dumb as you made yourself out to be. 

"You're a mechanic." stated Hux. Not a question then, he knew.

You nod, "I am."

"You're a good mechanic that has vast knowledge of how ships work and how they are designed." 

"How did you know that?" you asked.

Green Suit finally pulled out his arms from behind his back and in his hand, held a file. 

"I didn't think people actually used this kind of record keeping now a days but this planet is definitely way behind in the times. You are clever, very clever. You think you can get out of this by thinking you're some dumb kid-"

"Hey, I was dumb enough to walk right into the hands of the First Order so before you go praising me, just remember that. Very stupid. Very dumb." you stated, shrugging your shoulders and hoping he wasn't going to recruit you into their cause.

"You're useful."

_Well, fuck._

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. The First Order has advanced ships that I have never seen before in my life. I wouldn't have a clue." you said, really trying to find your way out of this.

Green Suit opened the file up, _dammit_ , and started to read, "Yes, but that is not your only skill, is it? It says here that you are an excellent hacker, you have several offenses of hacking into your own government, not like that's impressive but you most likely have hacked into other things as well. It says you are an extremely fast learner here in your school files, you were top of your class. Tell me, why would someone, as talented as yourself, waste away your potential on this planet?"

You were totally fucked. You starred at Green Suit, hoping that there was a complete logical explanation to this but what he had said was true, you were a genius. You could have left after school and gotten a job and have been paid shit loads of money. You were too good to be living on this planet, but you never left. And no one would know why, certainly not General Green Suit. 

He smirked once he realized you were not going to answer, "You will be leaving with us. You are going to start working for the First Order. It says in your file that you also have hand to hand combat training and you were best in that as well. Let me warn you now, any sort of retaliation will result in your death."

"Awesome. When can I die?"

"Do not mistake us as fools, and most certainly, do not use that tone with us back at Starkiller base. I will not be so kind there. Neither will anyone else. I suggest you fix that attitude." General Green Suit closed the file and walked out.

You gave out a huge breath you didn't realize you were holding and rested your forehead against the cold metal table. That did not go as planned. You weren't lying when you said you would rather die. You weren't Resistance, you didn't actually care. You just wanted to live without anyone bugging you. But you weren't passionate about a cause either. You just wanted to explore ships. That's it. Who was in charge didn't matter as long as they couldn't take that way from you.

However, you know of the First Order. You thought they would never bother a planet like yours. You thought your planet would just get notice that a new government was going to take over and that would be that. You were naive and foolish to think that. 

You definitely were concerned with talking to the people at this supposed 'Starkiller base.' You thought it sounded a bit too dramatic for your taste but you weren't going to tell them that. You just hoped you could keep your smart mouth to yourself but your filter wasn't as good as it used to be. 

Having your parents die at age ten made you realize that you also didn't have anyone to ground you when you spoke out of turn. All you got was detention but when you returned home, you were free to do anything. Hell, you could even stay up as late as you want to.

It's not like your parents dying didn't damage you in any way, oh no, you know it did. You were definitely fucked up and damaged. But no one had to know that. No one did. No one cared for you and you didn't care for anyone. And it was easier that way. You lived your life and got into bar fights and you nursed your own wounds.

You being told what to do and how to make your living was everything you hated. That's why you never continued your training, because they were just going to ship you off to God knows where doing God knows what. You didn't want to do what everyone else was told to do. 

So, you did nothing instead. But hey, you decided to do nothing. You decided to stay on planet and work as a mechanic. And that was worth something. 

You fixed shit, got into fights and hacked into shit when you got bored. It wasn't the ideal life, but you lived on your own terms. Now, that was getting taken away. 

After what felt like hours, you felt a jolt. You knew instantly that the ship was starting to lift above the ground. You were leaving your home. You kept your eyes closed and your head down as you tried to accept your fait. But angry tears streamed down your face and you hated it. You hated crying and you hated feeling so powerless.  

You didn't know what to expect when you got there. You didn't know if you would get treated like a prisoner or a worker or somewhere in between. You didn't know if everyone was going to be horrible to you or if they would just ignore you. You didn't know anything. And that's what scared you the most.

Amongst the tears and the rapid thoughts, you fell into a fitful sleep. 

* * *

 

You awoke to someone holding your wrists. You blinked a couple of times and looked up and saw two stormtroppers unlocking your restraints. General Green Suit was standing at the door.

"We have arrived at Starkiller base." 

You only nodded. You were never a talkative person when you woke up from sleep. You were usually grumpy and snappy but you opted to say nothing, considering the circumstances, saying "no shit" would probably get you whipped or something like that.

One of the stormstoppers pushing you to your feet. They didn't cuff you but they most certainly were keeping an eye on you. You weren't stupid enough to escape. You were usually smart enough to talk yourself out of a situation. Not this time. 

Walking down the familiar ramp you walked up just hours ago, you saw dozens of stormroppers marching, ships landing and being moved. There was a lot of yelling and noises that made your sleep addled brain want to explode. There were people waiting for you, or rather, the ship. 

One was a stormtropper but you could tell this one was a big deal because their armor was silver instead of white, with a red cape. Next to them, was a person in a black suit, with a black cape and a mask that looks like it has been through some shit. 

You didn't know whether to be scared or to laugh because honestly, the whole thing was a bit ridiculous and dramatic. 

"General Hux." said the Silver Storm. Their voice was that of a woman. Once again, you didn't know whether to feel impressed or terrified. 

"Captain." replied Green Suit, making it clear that your assessment was correct, Silver Storm was a big deal.

"General," said Black Bandit. His voice was absurdly deep, making it obvious the mask obviously did something to his voice to make it sound like that. Adding to the evidence that this whole thing was one bad drama movie that you just happened to land yourself in. "You seem to have brought company."

Green Suit stood aside so you were now in full view of the Silver Storm and Black Bandit. (You were amused by your nicknames, proving the fact that you always had inappropriate timing.) It was eery, being viewed by the two. You couldn't tell if they were actually starring at you and you couldn't see their face so you had no clue what they were thinking about you.

"This is someone whom I picked up from the planet we were establishing our new combat base on. She snuck onto the ship. Naturally, I was just going to execute her for infiltrating the First Order but it seems like she will be of value to us. She is a very skilled mechanic and an even better hacker. Which is what we need if we're going to use our weapon to take down those systems." explained Green Suit.

"She is not Resistance?" inquired Silver Storm.

"Negative. She has no affiliation. She's nobody." 

"Okay, that's offensive. You were just bragging about me and now you insulted me. Way to win over the person who it looks like you need the most." you retorted. 

Your comment was meant with awkward silence. 

"Ah, yes. That's the only problem. She has a mouth on her." sighed Green Suit, shaking his head.

"Not an issue," stated Black Bandit, "She'll learn her place."

You thought about saying something but this guy really did not seem like the type to just take your comments in stride like Green Suit did. He seemed like the guy to throw you across the room and knock you out while enjoying the whole thing. So, you did the first thing right in the past two hours. You shut the hell up.

Green Suit hummed in agreement and was clearly surprised you didn't retort, "Yes. I shall show her to her quarters. She'll begin work tomorrow."

Silver Storm and Black Bandit both nodded and turned around and walked away, capes billowing as they walked. God, this was a horrible drama movie. 

Green Suit began walking as well and you were pushed to get a move on. You gave a sharp look to the stormtropper but continued to keep quiet. 

As you walked, you entered through two big doors. You were taken through a maze of hallways and different doors. You tried to keep track of where you were but you knew it was hopeless, this place was confusing as all hell. You wouldn't make it out of here blind. You would have to study the place. Which meant you had to get comfortable here for a little while. You sighed as you continued to walk and hoped that at least the bed was comfortable. 

Green Suit finally stopped outside of a steel door that looked exactly like all the rest had. He turned and faced you, "This is where you will be staying. This is the only entrance and exit. Guards will be on you at all times. You are not to go anywhere without being companied by someone. You will begin your work tomorrow."

"Do I get paid for this so called work?" you asked, not hoping for much. 

"Yes," Green Suit said, "Your life."

He put in a code on the pad near the door and laid his hand flat down on the screen. The doors opened. The stormtropper pushed you along and you entered into the room. Without saying anything, the doors wooshed closed and you were left alone. On StarKiller base. 

Fan-fucking-tastic.

You were surprised how spacious the room was, however. Straight ahead was a bed that was big enough for two people. There was a bedside table with a lamp and clock. On the other side of the bed, there another door with a handle, so you went and opened it and there was a bathroom complete with a shower and toilet. Which was good, cause oh boy did you have to take a piss.

You didn't bother to button your pants back up and you went over to the closet that was behind in the room with your bed. In there was black pants and black shirts. And black shoes. You sighed and pulled open the dresser that also in the closet and found underwear, socks and a night shirt which was, shockingly, black. 

At this point, you didn't give a shit and you changed quickly out of your clothes and into the black night shirts and fell on the bed, too tired to try and think of a way to get you out of the mess you landed yourself in. 

With heavy eyes, you drifted asleep.

* * *

 

You awake to very loud, excessive beeping and rolled over to hit your snooze button and go back to sleep. Maybe you could call in sick today, not like there was anything to do around the shop besides wait for someone to come in and complain about their ship not working when in reality it was the owner not taking care of the ship. 

But you rolled over and saw that this was not your side table. Nor it was your alarm clock, or bed. And then the past days events washed over you and you had a terrible feeling in your stomach. You sat up and rubbed you eyes with the palms of your hands. Wishing this was a dream, knowing it wasn't worth wishing. 

You climbed out of the bed, your feet touching the cold floor and you shivered right away. All you wanted was a hot shower and to not feel like death. 

You went into the bathroom and undressed yourself and stepped into the shower and turned the heat all the way up. You let the hot water wash over you for ten minutes. With your eyes closed and your head titled back, you though of the things they were going to have you do today. General Green Suit said they needed someone to hack into the other stay systems. Which means they need to get ahold of defenses that the systems had so they could make them weak. Okay. You know you could do that. 

Should you do that? Should you go along with everything they're doing so you could stay alive? You didn't fear death, not when you weren't so close to it. But you were facing it. One wrong move and you could be slaughtered. You've heard stories about how the First Order treats those who are not loyal. You didn't believe them. Now you did. 

Your morals weren't always so black and white. You knew you weren't this hero who would be willing to die for the greater good. But you weren't someone who wanted destruction and chaos and death. You wanted to live your life and look at ships. That's all. So how you landed into this situation was beyond you. 

After ten minutes of just standing there, you finally started to wash your hair and your body. Once that was done, you turned off the water and grabbed a towel that was hanging outside the shower and quickly dried off. You looking in the drawer by the sink and found a hair dryer and dried your hair. It was long and frizzy. But you weren't here to impress anyone. 

You walked out of the bathroom in the towel and went in the closet and put on the clothes. The shirt fit alright, but the pants were a little awkward fitting you had a feeling you would be pulling them up a lot throughout the day. Damn, even in StarKiller base, nice pants are still hard to come by.

After hanging up your towel back in the bathroom to dry, you walked back into the center of the room. You weren't sure what to do but you remembered that Green Suit said there was going to be someone outside at all times, so you knocked on the door. The doors opened after a few moments and you were met with Silver Storm. 

"You are to follow me to your work area." said Silver Storm and turned around and began walking. You followed.

Two stormtroppers were walking behind you while Silver Storm kept in front. Even as others passed, no one glanced your way. Everyone was looking straight ahead, with blasters glued to their hands. Making a run for it was certainly out of the question. 

After a few minutes of silent walking, you got bored so naturally you decided to speak, "Where exactly am I going?"

"To your work station." replied Silver Storm.

"Right. I got that. What exactly will I be doing?" you asked.

"General Hux and Master Ren will be giving you instruction. I'm just making sure you get there." said Silver Storm. 

"Master Ren? Oh, you mean the guy who was standing next to you yesterday when I got off the ship?"

"Yes." she replied, making is seem as though that was the end of the conversation. So you didn't push the whole rest of the way there and you remained silent.

After more confusing twists and turns and wondering who the hell designed this place, you were standing in front of two medal doors that opened at Silver Storms command. 

When you entered the room, your jaw dropped. There were dozens of screens and computers lined up. It was a hackers paradise. You walked further into the room and got closer to the devices.

"Impressive, isn't it?" 

You turned around and saw that General Green Suit and the Black Bandit were standing there, watching you. Silver Storm and the others seem to have already gone while you were too busy ogling the technology. 

"What am I to be doing?" you asked.

"Simple, you hack into the other star systems defenses. They have shields and we need them completely vulnerable." said Green Suit. 

"If I don't?" you dared to ask.

"You die." said Black Bandit. 

"Comforting." you muttered and turned to look at the screens once more.

"I must go. Master Ren here will discuss things further with you and what will happen if you don't follow orders." said Green Suit and left the room.

You never thought you would miss General Green Suit in your life. But you were silently wishing he was back here because you had a bad feeling about this Black Bandit guy. Not like Green Suit was friendly, but he seemed in control. This guy seemed like he had no rules. Which means you were going to have to watch yourself even more. 

After a few moments, Black Bandit finally spoke, "You will hack into their system and I will give you a week to do so. You will be delivered meals and you will be a break during the day. If you fail to hack into the system, I am going to assume General Hux failed in finding a competent enough hacker and you will be of no use anymore. Do you understand?"

"I do." you replied.

The Black Bandit walked closer to you and stood looked in the direction of the screens, "We have made it so you have a starting point. You just need to get past what we couldn't. One week. Remember that."

Blank Bandit made another dramatic exit as his cape flowed behind him. You watched him go and then directed your attention back to the screens and monitors. There was a black chair at the desk and you sat in it. You took a deep breath and cracked your fingers.

You will have another moral crisis in the shower tomorrow morning, for right now, living seemed a hell of a lot better so you got to work.

* * *

 

 

Once you got back to your room, you planted face first into the bed and let out a load grown. Not sure if the guards outside can hear you, but also not caring cause _holy fuck,_ this was harder than anything you've ever hacked before. And General Green Suit was right, you've hacked into a lot of things.

You barley made a dent. You mostly got yourself familiar with everything. You knew it wasn't going to be easy but it was also a shit ton harder than you expected. How they expected for you to get past the defenses in a week was beyond you. At least they were providing you with food, as they said they would. And it wasn't bad food either. It was large meals and they brought snack food and water for you to have throughout the day. All in all, it could have been worse. 

You would rather not be held by the First Order against your will with death looming around the corner, but still, all in all, not too bad. You rolled onto your back, knowing you needed to get up and change into your sleep clothes but not wanting to move an inch. 

You were about to drift off when you heard the doors open, you sprang up right away and saw the Black Bandit in the doorway.

This was...Unexpected, to say the least. This guy did not look like one to have a social talk and a drink after work.

Before you had a chance to say anything stupid like, what the fuck or, get the hell out, he spoke first, "Your progress?"

"Minimal," you replied, "But that's to be expected right now. I'm just now learning how your guys' technology works because I come from a planet with outdated shit. It's not going to be easy and it certainly won't take me just a few hours. I need time. It's not impossible, nothing is when it comes to hacking. I just need to find the right holes."

"You remember what I told you?" 

"Yeah, I get it. I'll die if I don't figure it out. I got it. You literally picked the worst person for this job, you know." you rolled your eyes.

"Are you not skilled in hacking?" it wasn't a question. You knew he was asking what you meant by that.

"Nothing to fight for. You should have gotten a Resistance or something and threatened them. I don't have people I care about."

"And yet, here you are. But you would be surprised. Most Resistance would let their friends die before they did something for the First Order." replied the Black Bandit.

"They believe dying for the greater good." you stated.

"You don't." it wasn't a question.

"I believe it's more complicated than that. Things are more complicated than that. It's not dark or light that everyone keeps saying. It's... a lot of in-between." you finally concluded. 

The Black Bandit did not reply, but stood there a moment. His head titled at you, like he was confused. For the first time, you wondered what was underneath that helmet. He stood a few moments longer, and then finally made his leave and walked out the door. 

You shook your head a few times, trying to make something of that conversation. You believed that you baffled him for a moment. As you do most people when you talk about the Dark and Light side. You've heard many stories about both of these sides. How one is evil and the other is good. How some people have the Force some some use it for good but some others turn to the Dark Side. But you always thought there was more to it than that. 

Nothing was purely good, not even the best people. Even the best had their days. You remembered your mother and how kind and caring she was but how angry and harsh she could get. If the good are not purely good, then could the evil be purely evil? Does the Dark Side love and care for a select few? What of their families? Those are the questions you always asked yourself.

Of course, it gave no justification to what the Dark Side has done, but you always wondered. You couldn't see how a person could just be one thing. You thought of all the bad things in your life you had done. You're a lair, no doubt about that. You were always doing something you weren't supposed to. You were too nosy for your own good. And you could not control your attitude.

But you also didn't want to kill anyone who opposed you, so there was that. But you've always known that things were more complicated than good and bad. There is always more to it than that. And for some reason, the Black Bandit was curious about your response. 

Deciding you were not going to think any more of it tonight because your brain was absolutely fried, you decided it was time to go to bed. You quickly changed out of your work clothes and into your sleep clothes and fell to sleep.

* * *

 

 

The past few days passed in a blur of codes and lines and fast typing. You were slowly getting somewhere. You were past some of the walls that were up in the systems defenses, but you were by no means past the hardest ones that you were sure were yet to come the deeper you got. Oddly enough, you liked doing it, if you didn't think about why you were doing it or who you were doing it for. 

General Green Suit came in a few times to ask how you were doing but that was the most human interaction you've had. You hadn't seen the Black Bandit since the first night he came into check on your work. You were only guessing what you said had struck a chord with him, but now you knew. Why else would he not be showing up to check in again? 

Well, at least you weren't dead. Yet.

On the fifth day, you were to the point where you wanted to rip your hair out and throw something against the wall. The defenses were good, very good and you were having a difficult time getting through. You stood up and decided to pace around, to stretch and to not feel to anxious. You had two more days to crack this shit, and you were almost on full panic mode. You groaned in frustration as you hurled an apple that was left from your lunch at the wall.

Clearly you didn't realize you had company, because when you turned around you were face to face with the Black Bandit. You must have not heard the doors when you were having a panic attack.

"For someone who has no one they care about, you certainly are taking this very seriously." said the Black Bandit, he sounded like he was amused.

You knew you were probably going to get in trouble for this but damn you were having a bad day and you needed to vent, "It's their damn defense. It's the best I thing I've ever seen. You try to hack into it. Oh, wait. You can't. That's why you have me. So please, if you're here to irritate me more, congrats, it's working. I actually want to live because I like being alive so yes, it's frustrating I only have a week to hack into one of the best systems with only General Green Suit and the Black Bandit as my company!"

You take a deep breath and exhale loudly and you know you're fucked.

"Who... Who are you referring to?" asked the Black Bandit.

Oh shit, you had actually said that out loud. 

Too annoyed to even care, "You and Hux. My nicknames for you guys to keep myself entertained."

"I see." 

There was an awkward silence. 

"I honestly that you would have killed me by now." you admitted.

"I was forewarned you had an attitude. And judging the state of you when I walked in, it was obvious that you were not in a pleasant mood." stated the Black Bandit.

You actually laughed, "No. This is the most frustrating situation I've ever landed myself in."

"And yet you never gave me answer. You seem very eager to do this even though you said you were the wrong person for this job. You had no one to care for. Your parents?" he asked.

"Not up for discussion." you replied right away, not wanting to talk about any part of her past with a stranger, 

"You don't have to talk. I can take." he said.

Confused, "What-"

But you were cut off and you felt your body go numb and memories started resurfacing. Your parents taking you to school. Your parents making dinner. Your dad showing you how to fight. Your mom reading you books about ships. Your moms spells when she broke down in tears at anything. Your dad crying because he didn't know how to make it better. You crying because there was nothing you could do either. You in garage trying to build a ship. Your parents coming to tell you dinner is ready. Your parents-

_No. This is not your mind, you cannot take from me as you please. You need to LEAVE._

Your energy refocused on the man in front of you and you started feeling rage, confusion, hatred, loneliness, nothing like you've ever felt before...

"ENOUGH." 

Your concentration broke and you were gasping. Your forehead was sweating and the room was too hot for comfort. You looked up at Kylo Ren. The man who you just saw the mind of. You didn't know how, but you knew that is what you did. Except this time, his helmet wasn't on, but he was not facing towards you. All you saw was black hair. You did not know what his face looked like but you saw from the tension in his body that you did something bad, very bad.

After agonizing moments, he spoke, "Get back to your work." 

And he left you standing there, more confused than you ever ever been. More in doubt of yourself than you can remember being.

After the incident, the rest of the day passed by in a blur. You didn't want to think of what happened with Kylo Ren, as you were now referring him to. You couldn't call him the Black Bandit anymore. You was much more than a man in a mask with a dramatic walk, he was a man with feelings that was so complex, you could barely grasp it. You flung yourself into the work as much as you could.

You couldn't help but let your mind wander to what happened. You remember him trying to enter your mind, you knew that's what he was doing. You remember not wanting him to see one memory and you snapped. All you wanted was for him to stop though. You didn't want to enter his mind in return. But that's what happened. You knew that this wasn't something everyone could do, you knew something was wrong. 

You felt different ever since that moment. Your body was buzzing with some type of energy you couldn't describe. Every time you closed your eyes for more than three seconds, you felt something flow through you. Whatever it was, you knew Kylo Ren must have it to. And that's what scares you the most. He clearly wasn't happy that you did.

Does this mean he was going to kill you, no matter if you hacked into the system or not? Will all of this be for nothing? You didn't want to dwell on these questions but you couldn't help yourself. 

After what felt like hours, you heard the doors slide open and you stood up, knowing it was another work day ended. General Green Suit stood before you, "I trust you made some progress today?"

You only nodded, not finding the energy to talk. General Green Suit looked at you funny, but did not say anything and walked out of the room, knowing you would follow. Every step felt heavy. Your legs felt weak.

Once you back to your quarters, you made a beeline to the bathroom and started the shower. You sat on the shower floor with the hot water pounding at you as you cradled your head in your hands. You didn't know what was happening to you, but you felt something inside of you, something awakening. 

* * *

 

You heard someone come into your room before your alarm even went off. You had just fallen asleep not even an hour ago as you looked to the clock first. You sat up and turned on the bedside light.

For once, you weren't surprised to see Kylo Ren.

The doors slid shut behind him and you two were alone in your room. You stood up and walked in front of the bed to face him, if he was going to kill you, you were going to go with some dignity at least. You would die trying.

"Are you going to kill me?" you asked. You'd rather have a warning.

"Not right now." he replied.

You snorted, "Well, at least you're honest. What did you want?"

"I figured we would discuss what happened earlier." he replied casually.

You crossed your arms, "Really? I had a feeling that was not going to be up for discussion." 

He merely tilted his head.

After a few moments you sighed and untucked your arms, "Alright, fine. Let's talk. But please, take of the mask. It's creepy."

You expected him to deny you, but to your surprise, he instantly reached for his helmet and took it off, dropping it with a loud clang on the floor.

"I don't know what I was expecting, but that was not it." you say, as you take Kylo Rens face in for the first time. He was young, maybe a few years older than you. He had a big nose and mouth, and a few moles around his face. His hair also looked like the First Order has a secret evil hair salon where they go and get their hair done. 

He was captivating. Interesting. 

"What were you expecting?" asked Kylo, eyebrows raising.

"A middle aged man with a beard and a huge scar across his face, honestly." you replied.

You though you saw his mouth quirk up in a smile but it was gone in an instant.

"Are you familiar with the Force?" asked Kylo, stepping closer to you as he talked.

You nodded, "Of course, who isn't?"

"Indeed. Congratulations. You have it."

"You're shitting me."

He looked taken aback by your language but replied, "No, I am not."

"Oh, no. No. No. It has to do with that Dark Side and Light Side bullshit? No, no way. Can I get rid of it? I don't want it. Nope. Count me out." you ranted, suddenly pacing back and forth, Kylo's eyes on you the whole time. 

"The Force is rare and only few people are gifted with it. You should feel lucky." said Kylo with an edge to his voice.

You stopped suddenly and faced him, "Lucky? You think I should feel lucky? There are galaxies at war about this shit! I don't want to be at war! I want to finish whatever the hell this is and go home! I want to work on ships and live my life peacefully. I don't want this."

"You have it. And you would be foolish to ignore it. You've felt different ever since that moment? An energy running through you?" he stepped closer to you, "It won't ever go away. The more you ignore it now that it has awakened, the more it will try to make itself known."

The back of your knees hit the bed, you sat down and starred. This could not be happening to you. You were no one special. Hell, you didn't even want to be special. But Kylo Ren was telling you that no matter what you did, this wouldn't go away. 

"What do I do?" you ask him in a whisper.

"You let me teach you." he replied.

Your eyes flicker to him, "You are apart of the Dark Side."

"I am. I will show you the power. The strength we have." he said, obviously trying to convince you.

There was a tug. The same energy you felt earlier was coming back. It was urging you to accept Kylo's offer. To join him. To raise to power.

And then there was another side, telling you to go. To get away. To get out. To run, run, run...!

You didn't realize you had closed your eyes and all of a sudden you're on your feet, swaying. Kylo has reached his arm out, as if to go to steady you. 

"It... Feels like I'm being ripped in two. How do I choose?" you ask, still trying to find your focus.

"What happened to your parents?" Kylo asked, completely ignoring your question.

You look up at him and into his eyes and you see pure determination in them, "Why are you so keen to know?"

"Because I believe that's what is tearing you apart." 

"I don't want you in my mind." you say.

"Just that one memory. Focus on that one. Let me in." said Kylo, resting his hand on your shoulder, it coming to hover near your cheek.

You close your eyes, focusing on the memory you have been trying to forget for years. You feel Kylo in your mind, but you have better control of it. You know he's there and you focus on what you want him to see and only that.

The memory is of you when you were just ten years old, but already showing signs of being a child prodigy. Those were rare in your home planet so you were the talk of the town. Your parents were constantly asked about you and how you became so smart. Your dad says it's definitely not from his side of the family. Your mom says they were blessed with a smart child. You didn't know, all you knew was that you liked learning. Especially learning things about ships.

You were only ten when you went to the local junk yard and picked up pieces of different parts of ships and put them into your sack. You wanted to make a model ship for show and tell. It was going to be your own design with your own features. You have never built anything like it before, but you thought it wouldn't be too hard. So you picked up parts and left for home, excited to build.

When you got home, your parents asked what you were up to. You said it was a project and skipped off to the garage where you spent most of your time. They laughed and your mom called she would come get you for dinner. Your dog barked up at you and eagerly followed you, wanting to keep you company.

You started right away and began building and building. Hours passed and you knew dinner was drawing near but you weren't going to stop until your mom came and got you. You pulled out a piece from your bag and looked at it, remembering it was odd but you thought it looked cool so you grabbed it. 

Taking the piece, you examined it and realized it was too big so you were going to have to chip some of it away. That's when you heard your mom come into the garage, "It's time for dinner, sweetheart."

"Okay, one second." you said, getting ready to chip at the piece.

You heard you dad chuckle and step into the garage and called to Shelly, your dog to come along to. You hit the piece. It exploded. You blacked out. You woke up and you were being shaken by your mom, telling you to wake up. 

You looked over and saw your dad lying down on the floor, but saw that he was also in flames, along with Shelly. You starred in horror. Your mom shook you even more. You looked over to her and she was crying, tugging at you. You got up and followed her. The smoke was making it hard to see and to breathe, but you both kept low. 

Suddenly, your mom was tugging you in front of her and you were shoved through the door into the room that led to the garage. You looked behind you to see if your mom was right there, but she wasn't, you couldn't see anything. There was too much smoke. 

"Mom! Mom! Where are you?! Mom?" you screamed. But no reply.

The smoke and flames were growing and was pushing you further away from the door. You ran outside and screamed for help.

Suddenly, you were jerked back to the present, Kylo's hand pressed to your cheek. Your eyes opening to see Kylo starring down at you. 

You cleared your throat, "Now you know. I killed my own parents when I was ten."

"It was an accident." he replied.

"If I hadn't brought that object to my house, they wouldn't have died." you replied, emotionless. 

Kylo didn't rebuttal. He removed his hand and took a step back from you. 

"When I... Entered your mind on accident earlier," you cleared your throat, "I felt your emotions. How confused you are and the anger you feel. Is that what it's like to be on the Dark Side?"

Kylo looked away from you and didn't answer for a few moments, "Most do not feel what I feel."

"So, what, it's complicated?" you asked, attempting humor, probably failing.

He looked back over at you, "Something like that. But it's clear you feel the same."

You nodded, "I do not have a strong pull towards the Resistance nor the Dark Side. Both sides are pulling at me. Like it's up for me to choose. I think some people just know, like there is no other choice. Both you and me have things in our past that prevent us from picking a side. I think I know why."

He titled his head, implying for you to continue.

"There is both Light and Dark inside of us. But we live in a world where you have to be one or the other. There in so in between. But here we are. While there is Light in you, there is a strong pull to the Darkness. And while I know the Darkness is not for me, I understand it, I feel it and I even empathize with it. I feel that way towards the light as well."

 

Honestly, you were confusing yourself. None of it made sense you just wanted someone to take the Force from you. You weren't up to having this internal battle. 

You looked up at Kylo, "Kylo Ren. That doesn't sound like a birth name."

"It is not. It is a name I came up with after I killed the man before I became Kylo Ren."

"What was his name?" you asked.

"Ben Solo." he said.

"You are the son of Han Solo?" you asked, barely believing it. You heard stores about Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. You didn't know what was true and wha was exaggerated. 

"I was the son of Han Solo." he replied, jaw set. Clearly no arguing with that. 

"What made you come to the Dark Side?" you asked.

"Supreme Leader Snoke found me and showed me the real use of the Force. The power. Something I would like to teach you as well." he replied, straightening his back out.

"Okay, first of all, Supreme Leader Snoke? Really? I guess you can't make that shit up. It sounds like a nickname I would give," you took a deep breath, "I'm not saying no. Because I am curious about what I can do and what the Dark Side has to offer. I'm honestly more curious about you."

"Why?" he asked, taken back.

"There's more to you than what most would think. And you and I have a lot more in common than I thought." you say.

Kylo didn't reply to that, he picked up his helmet and placed it back on his head. Turning him once more into the Black Bandit.

"I will give you until you are finished with your work to decide." he finally said.

"If I refuse?" you ask.

"You won't. I'm humoring you." he said.

With that, he walked out of your room and you were left standing there. Wondering how your parents would feel is they found out you were considering going to the Dark Side. More than that, because you were curious about a boy who looked more than what he seemed.


	2. Chapter Two

It was day seven and you knew you were going to be able to hack into the system by the end of the day. You probably would have had it done by now if it wasn't for _stupid_ Kylo Ren and his _stupid_ long hair and his _stupid_ offer that you both knew you were stupid enough to not refuse. You wished you didn't have the Force, it just made things more complicated. You didn't want Kylo Ren in your mind but you couldn't deny that you didn't want to know exactly what it is you could do with the Force.

You didn't know what training with Kylo Ren would entail. You weren't an idiot, this was dangerous territory you were heading into. You knew that if you were to train with him, it would mean being close to him and he didn't seem like the type who wanted people in his head. He was more of the type to get into your head and leave before you had the chance to get into his. You recalled the other day in the room you were sitting in now and how you accidentally reached into his mind, You couldn't imagine him being okay with you doing that again.

Heaving a big sigh, you thought this was more anti-climatic than it should have been. You were moments away from hacking into their system, one of the most advanced systems, and you didn't even feel smug about it. You just wanted to go back into your room and wallow in self-pity and hopefully wake up to find this all to be a bad dream. 

One you were fully in, you rolled back from the chair you were sitting in and got up. You told the Trooper outside that you finished. He nodded his head once and talked into the comm system to alert Green Suit and Silver Storm and Kylo. You couldn't even bring yourself to call him his nickname anymore. He wasn't a character anymore now that you've seen him with his mask off. 

You stood in the center of the room starring at the screen and didn't move as you heard the footsteps behind you. 

"You've done it." breathed Green Suit, looking up at the screen in awe.

"I felt like living." you shrugged, itching to get far away from Kylo as possible.  

Green Suit and Silver Storm walked closer to the screens to get a better look, but you stayed behind. Kylo hadn't moved since he got there. You felt his presence as he stood right behind you. You wanted to yell and to scream at him to let you go home and let you leave this all behind so you can move on and live in peace. The other half wanted to know everything about the Force. 

So, naturally, life decided to fuck with you again and Kylo moved to stand directly beside you, "Well done." He said it low enough so only you could hear.

"Thank you." you said back, refusing to look at him, "If you'll excuse me."

You turn to walk away but he catches your arm, "Don't think you are free to leave. You will remain on this base for training."

"Can't wait." you spat and shook his arm off of you and you stormed off to your room. You finally learned the route so you didn't need anyone to escort you. You were surprised that no one tried to stop you from running off but you realized that this was StarKiller Base. There was no way you would be able to just walk through the front door and leave, if there even was a front door to the place. 

When you reached your room, you couldn't even bring yourself to sit down, you were buzzing with anger. You didn't want to be here. It was one thing if you chose it, but you did not want to be here forced against your will longer than you had intended. They took you here for a job and you finished it but you knew Kylo was not going to let you leave. 

You let out a growl of frustration and continued to pace your room. You started to think about the ways this could have been avoided. If you had just gotten a job off-planet like everyone else, you could be in another star system right now. Probably not happy but at least you wouldn't be confined here. You would be making decent money and may even have some friends. Here, you had no one but an angry, spoiled man who was always use to getting his way. 

You wanted to go _home_. You wanted for life to stop being so fucking unfair and you wanted to fucking see the sunlight again. You wanted to go back into time and tell your younger self to not bring that damn part back from the junkyard because it will kill your parents and result you into being this fucking failure of a human being. 

Tears were spilling over at this point and you couldn't properly breathe. You were angry, confused, tired and you wanted to just stop feeling everything so much. 

You came face to face with the wall and within a split-second decision, you punched it full force. Immediately, you felt the pain bloom into your hand and shoot up your arm and you definitely heard a crack. You screamed out in pain and cradled your hand to your chest as you doubled over in agony.

Since you were in so much pain, you didn't hear your door open or someone walked up to you but next thing you know, there is a hand on your shoulder. You panic once more and you spin around to come face to face with Kylo, not wearing a mask, with a look of concern on his face.

"What did you do?" he asked.

"I hit the fucking wall, what does it look like." you chocked out, pointing your head towards the wall that now had a good size hole in it. 

"Did the wall upset you?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

You try to laugh but it comes out as more of a groan, "Fucking hilarious. A real comedian. Really, you should leave your day job."

He shook his head at you and he reached to grab your arm that was still being cradled to your chest. You flinch but he continues and examines your hand, "Why would you do that?"

"I was angry." you stated.

"And your first thought was to punch a wall?" 

"Yes and my second thought was, wow, I really shouldn't have done that so go ahead and make fun of me all you want. Laugh it up." you sigh, the pain still very much present. 

Kylo, still examining your hand, shrugs, "I understand what it is like to get angry and let it out in a physical way. The nurses in the base don't even ask what I did anymore. They know. Fortunately for you, I know how to fix something this simple. Come."

He put your hand down and went into your bathroom that was connected to your bedroom. Confused, you followed him. 

When you entered, you saw him looking underneath a cabinet and he pulled out a first aide kid that you had no idea was even there to begin with. He motioned to the toilet seat and you did as you were bid. 

"Keep your hand above your heart. It reduces the swelling." he said, rummaging through the first aide kit. You do as you were told, even though you felt slightly awkward doing it.

You watched Kylo as he rummaged through the first aid kit. His eyebrows were knit together and his hands were long and a little clumsy picking things up and putting them back down. Kylo Ren was supposed to be evil. But at this moment, you forgot he was. Someone evil wouldn't help you like this, would they? Then again, you knew it was still complicated. People on the Dark Side must have people they still care about. 

"You are starring." he said, not looking up from what he was doing.

You flushed slightly, "Sorry." 

"It does not bother me. I just wish I knew what you were thinking." he said, finally looking over at you.

"You can try asking, instead of taking." you suggest.

"I could. But people lie. Or they do not say everything they are supposed to." he said. He pulled down your hand he began to wrap your index and middle finger together, "You fractured your middle knuckle so it needs to be wrapped to your other finger so you can keep it straight. You'll need to keep it for two weeks, at the very least. Three at most."

You nod, looking down at him wrapping your fingers. His were delicate, like he was afraid he was going to break you, "You know, it's not fair. You look into other people's minds and you do not like when people lie. But do you deny that you would hate someone in your mind when you did not want them to be?"

"It's complicated. I use the Force when I need information. I do not think whether or not they want me to or not. I just take what I need." he said.

You could understand that, to an extent. You were sure if the Resistance had that ability, they would use it too. But would it be considered evil if they did it, or would it just be for the greater good? You sure they would try to spin it that way. But when the First Order does it, it's inhumane, animalistic. 

"What are you thinking about?" asked Kylo, dropping your hand, indicating to you that he was done. 

"The confusion of what I feel." you say.

Kylo raised his eyebrows at you, "What is it you feel?"

"Conflicted." you stand, and pass him, "Thank you for patching me up."

He follows you into your bedroom area, abandoning the first aide kit, "Maybe you will feel less so when you begin to train with me."

"Perhaps." you say, "Will I still be treated as a prisoner?"

"Yes and no. You will be able to move freely around the base that is open to everyone else. But I warn you, you should not try to escape." he says.

You nod your head, not knowing what to say to that, "I should get going to bed."

"Of course. You will have tomorrow to do as you please. I believe you deserve a days rest. Then you will begin training the next day." says Kylo, picking up his helmet off the floor. You had no idea he had even dropped it there, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." you reply. You watch him walk out, feeling more confused than ever. 

Your emotions were drained since you had nearly felt everything you could possibly feel in just twelve hours. You go back into the bathroom and clean up the first aide kit, but leave it on the counter, knowing you will probably need it sooner rather than later. 

After putting it away, you look into the mirror and see how truly wrecked you look from the days events. There were large, dark circles underneath your eyes that caused you to look at your face in disgust; your mouth pulled tightly into a deep frown. Your hair was still in a pony-tail but hairs were coming out of it. Your eyes were drawn to your hand that was wrapped up, cradled still against your chest. There was a pulsing ache that made you reach into the cabinet and retrieve pain medication. 

You popped a few into your mouth and turned the sink on and used your hand to wash them down with the water. Without looking back up into the mirror, you walked out of the bathroom, making a straight line towards your bed and collapsing on your back. Without too much thought about what training with Kylo would entail, you fell asleep.

* * *

 

The morning didn't welcome you, rather, the afternoon did. You sat up and looked at the clock and saw that it was well past midday. But it had been one of the best sleeps you've had since you've been there. You swung your legs over the bed, your feet touching the cold floor causing you to shiver. The pain in your hand throbbed and you threw a dirty look to the whole in the wall, as if it was to blame for the hurt it caused you. 

Stretching your one good arm above your head, you walked slowly to the bathroom, desperately needing a shower. You carefully unwrapped your hand and was shocked at the sight of it: it was bruised, black and purple and still swollen quite a bit. You made a mental note to make sure to ice it sometime during the day.

Once you got in the shower, you turned the heat up as hot it would go as you normally did. You stood in the spray of the water, letting it soak into your skin and relax your muscles. 

It made you think whether or not you would need to take showers more often because of the training you were going to do. Would you be doing physical stuff once your hand heals? Would Kylo make you run laps or lift weights? Did the Force even require you to be physical in that sense? It had to, Kylo Ren could easily kill you even without the use of the Force. And while you were trained at hand-to-hand combat, it had been awhile since you actually exercised. Your workouts were usually all done at the mechanic show; it was all physical work.

As for the hand-to-hand combat training, you never really needed it. Your home planet was relatively calm and peaceful. Most people kept to themselves. The only reason why it was offered in your schooling was because most everyone went off-planet and most other planets were known for a lot of violence. And they were in the middle of war, so you supposed that contributed to it.

But the Force, that was all mental. When you and Kylo had that encounter, it was a mind attack, plain and simple. Kylo had tried to get into your mind and somehow you ended up in his. You hadn't meant to, obviously, since you didn't even know you could do it. But feeling all his fear and loneliness only made you more confused. Weren't evil people supposed to just be evil and not complicated? Wasn't all they wanted was to rule and cause destruction?

Come to think of it, you didn't know what Kylo Ren wanted. Even more so, what he wanted to get out of training you. Sure, you had talents, but nothing anyone else wouldn't already have working for the First Order. You weren't anyone special, so why go to the trouble to train you? 

The more you thought about it, the less it all started to make sense and the more questions you had. You were going to ask Kylo about them the following day, that was a must. You were not going to get yourself tangled up into something without knowing every single detail first. They owed you that, considering they took you away from the only home you had known. Granted, you weren't entirely happy, but at least you weren't terrified for your life either, so there was that. 

After you finally washed your hair, which took an awful amount of concentration since you had to do it with one hand, you called it quits and turned off the shower. Drying yourself off and dressing yourself with one hand was also a challenge. But, you managed after minutes of cursing and once falling over onto the floor. 

You carefully wrapped your hand by yourself, just how Kylo had wrapped it. Maybe not as good, but you wouldn't admit it to him. After it looked decent enough, you walked back into your bedroom area to find a tray of food. It must have been delivered to you while you were in the shower.

Not realizing how hungry you were, you quickly walked over to it and began to eat the toast, shoving it into your mouth. When you looked around the plate, there was fruit, chicken, rice and some various snack foods. Also, there was a note that read:  _You will need your strength for tomorrow. I will send  for you in the morning. Be ready. -K_

You rolled your eyes, thinking about how dramatic it was in your mind. You disregarded the note and decided you were going to take full advantage of your day off. Normally, you would love to stay in bed and do nothing, but you wanted to check out the area. And since technically you weren't a prisoner anymore, but a trainee, you figured you could take a peak around.

Slipping into your boots, you walked out the door. There wasn't a Trooper so you decided that it was safe enough to wander about. You could either go left or right and since you usually went left when you did your hacking, the went right. 

It really wasn't all the interesting. It was mostly just Troopers passing by and doors with pads that needed a passcode to get in. You were nervous about the first set of Troopers that passed you but when they didn't even look your way, you let out a huge breath and kept walking. It was nice to finally stretch your legs and see new things, even if it was dull.

After about ten minutes of aimless walking, you see two double doors that Troopers are coming in and out off. When they swing, you can see tables and people sitting down and it looked like they were... eating? There was no way that the scariest place in the entire galaxy had a damn _mess hall._

Curiosity overtook you and you made your way to the doors and passed through them. Sure enough, there were Troopers sitting down and eating. Their helmets were removed and they were all chatting aimlessly to one another. It seemed... _normal_. It made you uneasy. And they have a room for socializing and eating. You even saw people laughing and joking around. They looked... happy. 

You stomach did a front flip as you walked forward, you were earning stares but you were too caught up in observing everyone else. They seem just fine to you, like a normal day at work. You supposed that for them, this was an normal day at. Wake up, be a Trooper, raid tiny planets and kidnap people and come home in time for dinner. 

Once you hit the back, you saw a table that held the familiar Green Suit and Silver Storm. Except, this time, Silver Storm was not wearing her helmet. No, she had her head thrown back in laughter and Green Suit ducked his head down, clearly embarrassed over something. She had short blonde, almost white hair and bone structure that anyone would want. Her eyes... They weren't cruel. That surprised you the most.

Without thinking about it, you went over there and Green Suit saw you almost immediately, "Ah. Decided to join us on your day off?" He motions to the empty eat across from him and you can feel Silver Storm's eyes on you.

With great hesitancy, you sit down. "I didn't even realize you guys had one of these things." 

"Things?" asked Green Suit.

"Somewhere where you guys all eat." you say, still looking around.

Silver Storm burst out laughing and even Green Suit cracked a tiny smile, "Well, yes. We all have to eat, you see."

You flushed, "I know that. But it seemed unlikely you all had a place where you come together and take off your helmets and just seem so... normal."

"Are we not?" asked Silver Storm.

"Considering you guys took me from my home and forced me to hack into the Resistance systems, saying if I didn't I would die. I would say, no." you say, shrugging.

"Point." says Silver Storm, popping a piece of broccoli into her mouth.

"Yes, well. Those were the circumstances then. Now you are no longer here as a prisoner. You are here as a trainee." said Green Suit, picking at his plate but not eating anything.

"I am still a prisoner as long as I am forced here against my will. I couldn't just walk out of here if I wanted to." you say, daring Green Suit to try to rebuttal that.

"But you do not want to walk out of here." 

You begin to open your mouth to counter but you realize that he is right. You didn't. You wanted to stay because you wanted to know what you could do. What the Force had to offer. You were too curious for your own good. 

Green Suit smirked at you and took a sip of his water. You wanted to smack the grin right off of him. Instead, you scooted your chair out and you wanted to bid your leave,

"Before you go, I must warn you, Kylo has a temper," says Green Suit. You go to say how he is stating the obvious but he puts his hand up to stop you, "He does not like people in his mind. And will attack you without hesitation."

"Then he should not be training me." you say.

"I quite agree. I do not think he is adept at teaching. But he is insistent that you receive training from him." he says, eyes boring into yours.

"I... do not know what to say to that." you admit, feeling confused.

"I do not expect you to say anything. Just be careful. There is a lot more to Kylo Ren than meets the eye. There is only three people at this base who have seen him without his mask. And they're all right here." he says, gesturing to you, Silver Storm and himself.

With a short nod, you turn on your heel and you walk away with more confusion than ever before. 

Your mind was racing as you made your walk back to your room. So, Kylo removing his helmet was a rare thing. Okay, not that weird. He doesn't want to show his peers below him the emotions on his face. It makes him intimidating. It makes people fear him. And as a person who wants to conquer everything, being feared is probably number one on the list. But, why would he take off his helmet for you? As far as you were concerned, you were not someone special.

Green Suit telling you to be careful really concerned you because he seems like the type who doesn't care about anyone. Why would he be worried about what happens to you? But you had also never been Kylo when his temper has flared, so you could only imagine what it was like if Green Suit was giving you a warning. Kylo Ren has a temper. Not ideal but you could work with that and try not to set him off. 

What really puzzled you was how he was insistent that he trained you, even though he did not like people in his mind. You figured that part of the training would be you trying to get into his mind and vice versa. If he did not want people in his mind, then why would he want to train you? Was he the only one on board that could train you at the Force or was there more like him?

These questions were reeling in your head all the way back to your room. You just wanted to stop thinking for ten minutes and have some peace of mind. That and your hand really hurt and you really needed to take some pain medication for it.

After washing a few pain pills down, you laid down on your bed and starred at your ceiling for what felt like hours. The encounter with Green Suit and SIlver Storm made you feel conflicted. They seemed like they were just two co-workers at lunch. You supposed that was what they were doing but they were _too_ normal. But it's not like every evil person was always plotting and scheming, right? They had to have a meal break sometime in between all that.

Which made you wonder what Kylo Ren did on his days off. Did he have days off? He was obviously more important than anyone else on the Base so was he still able to ever get a day to himself. You pictured him reading in pajamas but couldn't quite make the mental image. It just seemed too unlikely. You tired picturing him knitting a scarf and that just made you laugh to yourself. Kylo Ren knitting himself a scarf because the Base was cold during the nightshifts.

You laughed out loud more than you had in awhile. You couldn't stop laughing and your sides hurt and there were tears in your eyes. But, the laugh gave way to something else. All of a sudden, you started sobbing. You started crying fiercely into your pillow, your breathing becoming more erratic.

You were crying away the exhaustion and the long hours you worked that week. You were crying for being somewhere foreign and not knowing a single person. You cried for being so confused about everything and everything you had once known about yourself. You cried for a future that you did not want and had no idea what was going to come of it.

Eventually, your sobs turned into faint whimpers until you couldn't get a sound out. Your throat raw and aching and eyes heavy and stinging with tears. You hoped that maybe when you wake up tomorrow, all of this would be a bad dream, that maybe you would be back home. You drifted off, eyes swollen and not even changed into your nighttime clothes.

* * *

 

You were dreaming you were flying in your very own space craft. Not one you had rummaged around in, one that is all yours. Your fingers danced around the console, everything brand new and pristine. Your eyes darted to the window, space all around you, moving at light speed. To you, this is what paradise was. Nothing but you, your ship and open space and no one to stop you from exploring it. You put your hands behind your head and sat back in your chair and watched space fly by you.

Until you saw something out in the distance, which is odd, considering you were at light speed so no object should be in your path. You leant forward in your chair and squinted your eyes to make out what could possibly be obstructing your path. The closer you got, the clearer it was: it was your father and he was in flames.

Your fingers flew to the console, trying to drop out of light speed but nothing you were pulling or pressing was working. The ship wasn't in your command, it was flying on its own. You watched in horror as your father got closer and closer to you, his eyes wide and his mouth wide open, screaming in pain. 

There was nothing you can do but stare and pray for it to end, for it to go away. For him to away. But it didn't happen. He was almost to the ship. You could smell fire and your lungs felt like they were filled with smoke, making it harder for you to breathe by the second. He came closer and closer and closer until he was just about to hit the window of the ship....

You sprang up in bed just as you were about to see your father become a pancake on your windshield. Gasping for breath, you felt a hand on your shoulder and your eyes quickly darted up to see a masked Kylo Ren. Fantastic.

"What are you doing here?" you managed to say after you caught your breath.

"Your training. I tired knocking on your door but you did not answer" he replied, voice morphed by his mask.

"Oh. I'm sorry. Uh. Bad dream." you said lamely.

"I can see. How is your hand?" he asked.

At the mention of it, you finally start to feel the intense pain that is coursing through your hand and wince, "I'll live."

Kylo sighs and finally puts his hand by his own side, "Come. I'll change that bandage for you. Since you injured your hand, we are dealing with very basics today." 

You nod and get up from the bed and go your bathroom, Kylo quickly follows suit.

You sit on the bathroom toilet while he grabs the first aide kit that you hadn't bothered putting away because you knew you were going to need it for the next couple of weeks, "Are you going to take off your helmet?"

He looks over at you and waits a moment before he finally reached his hands up and unlatches it and takes it off. He sets it down on the other side of the sink, away from the first aide kit.

"My apologies. I forget I have it on sometimes." he says and runs his hand through his hair that totally did not look attractive. Not one bit.

You nod your head in understanding but don't say anything. He looks through the first aide kit, though it doesn't take as long as last time since the wrap is basically right on top. 

"May I?" he asks, gesturing to your wrapped hand.

You nod your head and give him your hand which he takes and begins to unwrap the old bandages. He does it so carefully, you wonder if he is purposely trying not to hurt you. He tosses the old ones away and takes out the alcohol pads to sanitize your wound. You feel a slight sting, but nothing you can't manage. 

Once he begins to wrap you up, you decide to ask him what kind of training you guys were doing, "What will we be doing today?"

His eyes flicker up to you for a moment, "I assume you have a lot of questions. I am going to try to answer some of them. Explain to you what the Force is and how it works. And hopefully we will get in some meditation time before I have to go back to work."

You nod, "When does the physical stuff start?"

He raises an eyebrow at you suggestively. Well what do you know, Kylo Ren has a sense of humor. This, you could totally work with, "Oh, you know what I mean, don't even give me that look."

You swore you saw his lips twitch, but his face remained neutral for the most part, "Hm, I do. Whenever your hand is healed, we will begin your training with your light saber."

Your eyes widened with excitement, "Holy shit. I get a light saber?"

Kylo pats your hand a little awkwardly to show that he is done and he stands up fully to put the extra wrap he didn't use away, "Yes. You are training with the Force. It is only logical you should have your own light saber."

You stand up, really excited for the first time since you have been here, "Oh, man, this is so cool. I can't believe I get my own light saber." 

"It is not a toy. Remember that." he says sternly, picking up is helmet and tucking it under his arm, "You will receive it in due time."

You only nod your head once more, still trying to contain the excitement within you. You could have sworn you felt a wave of amusement roll off of him. It hit you all at once, like how it did when you accidentally entered his mind a few days ago. 

He looks at you for a long second, "I suspect you'll want to change your clothes. I will wait outside. Don't take too long."

Kylo secures his helmet back on and walks out of your bathroom and out of your room entirely. You quickly exit your bathroom as well and pull off your clothes from the previous say, letting them scatter along the floor. You'll clean it up later.

Right now, you were clinging onto this bit of hope. Maybe training with Kylo Ren won't be so bad. Maybe you'll lean a lot and you'll become powerful, just like he said. There was no use in crying about your situation anymore since you probably couldn't get out of it at the moment. Especially with a basically broken hand. For now, you would learn all you could about your new found abilities. 

After you had changed, you stepped outside to find Kylo standing on the opposite wall, "Okay. Ready."

He nodded his head curtly and began to walk at a fast pace. You struggled to keep up. You try to pay attention to where you are going now since this was basically your home and you would soon need to navigate it. You kept track of the rights and lefts and different rooms you would want to check out and which ones you would definitely avoid.

You walked for some five minutes before you reached a dead end but it had a door and keypad. Kylo quickly typed in a password and the door slid open. When you walked it, it looked just like a basic apartment. There was the living area when you first walked in with a couch and a coffee table that was filled with books. Actually, the entire room had shelves around it that had books, which was odd considering everything was digital nowadays. 

To the right, there was an archway that led into a kitchen. It wasn't huge, but it was enough for one person to live in. To the left on the living area, there was a door that Kylo Ren was not leading you towards. It was a bedroom. There was a bed against the right way and the wall on the far opposite side wasn't a wall at all, it was glass. You could see outside. There was a forest and everything was covered in snow. 

Right now, you were definitely more than a little confused. Even more so as Kylo clicked off his helmet and took his long cape off and put it on his bed. You looked over at him and for the first time, Kylo looked like a normal twenty-something year old guy. It was unsettling but not unpleasant either.

He walked over to the glass wall without saying anything and stood with his hands at his sides, starring out. You slowly walked towards him, coming to stand right beside him but at an arms length.

After a few minutes of silence and confusion, he spoke, "The Force is everywhere. The more in tune you get with it, the more you will feel it. It is something that cannot be seen, but felt. Some can feel the Force but have no extraordinary capabilities if they never do anything about it. Others, such as myself, have excelled at using the Force and everything it has to offer. I can not only move objects, but I can get into anyone's mind that does not have mental shields. Most don't. You do.

"But, they do need work. In order for you to make sure no one can enter you mind, you will have to let me in and push me back out. The more you can do this without strain, the better. That is what we shall work on today. First, I will guide you through a meditation that clears your mind and makes you focus. Sit."

You do as you are told and sit immediately on the ground. Kylo follows you, a little more gracefully and crosses his legs, his hands resting at his knees. "Before we begin, I did tell you that I would answer any questions that I could. Is there anything you would like to ask?"

You think for a moment to yourself. You were not sure what to ask because you did not know much of the Force. Mainly, it was all what you were going to be able to do. But you knew that would come in time. He did say that most don't have mental shields, but you did. So you asked about that, "Are my mental shields rare or does everyone have them or is it just people who use the Force? Because I never tried to have them or anything." 

He shakes his head, "It usually takes more practice for someone to have mental shields. Yours are in construction, but not yet complete. I was only able to see a little bit the first time I tried to enter your mind without forewarning you. Once you knew what I was doing, something like a mental barrier came before me and I was no longer to reach your mind. And when you showed me your memory willingly, it still took me longer than usual to navigate your shields. You started building them without knowing. So, I will teach you how to construct them and how to remove them."

"Meditation is very important with the Force. You need to learn how to clear your mind and feel the energy of the Force around you. For this, you will need to close your eyes."

You close them shut right away.

"Now, try to see if you can reach out and feel the Force. It is all around us at every moment. It is that little push of luck you always manage to have. It is what you instinctively know and cannot explain."

You take a deep breath and try to the best of your abilities to clear your mind. It's hard when there is someone starring at you and counting on you not to fail. You were never good with not thinking or not staying still. You feel yourself tap your fingers lightly against you knees. 

Every time you close your eyes, you see your father, burning. You see your mother with soot all over her face and her eyes frantic. You were never good at falling asleep. And after last night, it made this whole clearing your head thing a lot harder than it sounded.

You are pretty sure only ten seconds have passed but it feels like an eternity and let out a big breath and open your eyes, "I am horrible at clearing my mind."

He tilts your head at you, you felt a pang of annoyance rush through you. You knew it wasn't from you, it was his emotions. That is the second time that has happened today but you didn't want to say anything, especially since he seemed to be annoyed with you.

"Is there something from preventing you from clearing your mind?" he asks.

"Yes. Pretty sure you can already assume what it is." you say.

"The nightmare you had last night." he states.

You nod, "I don't want to bore you with details."

"You must talk about it. If it preventing you from training, it has to be said." 

You hesitate but close your eyes and begin to retell the nightmare, "I was in a ship. But my own ship. Like, all mine. It was beautiful. She was brand new. I've always wanted a ship to call my own but never could afford it living on a mechanic wage on a small planet. I was traveling at light speed and space was all around me. It was relaxing. And then, I saw something get closer and closer until I made out the image of my burning father. That's an image that never leaves your mind, not ever. You was about to slam into the window and that is when I woke up and you were there."

"I could sense your distress from outside the room." he states.

You open your eyes, "I thought you couldn't get into my mind?"

"I cannot. Not without your shields down. But people with the Force sense emotions. Those are harder to conceal and takes more energy to do so. Thoughts are easy to control, feelings are not. I often only shut down my emotions when I find it absolutely necessary."

"I... I think I've been doing that. I've been sensing emotions today that haven't been my own." he say shyly, not sure if you should have mentioned it already or not.

"Ah, so you have been feeling my emotions." he says, but he didn't look angry or feel it which relieved you. "I'll learn to be more careful in the future."

"Don't" you find yourself saying. He raises his eyebrows at you, "I mean. I hope you don't feel the need. I... like it, in a way. It reminds me you're human."

"You had doubts I was before?" he asks, confused.

"No. Not like that, anyways. I knew, as a species, you were human. But emotionally, I did not know. It's clear you feel things, much like everyone else does. I had my doubts when I first entered this place. Everyone just seemed evil."

"You do not think we are evil?" he asks, challenging you.

"I think it is more complicated than that." you simply state, shrugging.

Kylo looks skeptically at you but doesn't push it. "Let's try once more. I'll try to guide you more through it."

You nod and close your eyes in a second attempt at clearing your mind. You take a few deep breaths, counting to seven at every exhale. A method you picked up yourself when you were back home and needed to calm yourself down.

"The Force is an energy. You can feel it under your skin the more you are in tune with it. Clear your mind of any thought, of any past experiences. Focus on now and the Force around you." Kylo said, his voice soothing you.

For a few minutes, there wasn't any result from the meditating. But the more you cleared your mind, the more relaxed you were becoming. You felt a shift. Suddenly, you felt something dance around you, even though you knew it was only you and Kylo in the room. There was also a hum to it. You breath hitched when you felt this and somehow you knew: it was the Force.

This made you concentrate even more. With this little spark, your focus grew on that energy. And now you could feel it all around you. It was under your fingertips. 

You didn't know how much time was passing, for the Force was claiming your sense of time. You didn't want to know of anything else. All you felt was pure contentment at this moment. You had a feeling that you were projecting this to Kylo, maybe that is why he had not said anything else. He knew that you were feeling the Force for the very first time. 

You wondered if he could feel this, too.

_"I can."_ said Kylo, but you knew it wasn't out loud. It was in your mind. 

_"Are you in my mind?"_ you thought back at him.

_"No and yes. You projected a thought at me and I can answer you. But I am not trying to dig at memories."_ he replied. This relieved you. 

_"I've never felt anything like this before. Is this how you feel all the time?"_ you ask.

_"Yes. You will start to feel it now, too. It feels stronger when you are in deep meditation however."_

You don't reply, but you figure he doesn't expect a response. You're not sure how much longer you two sat there in meditation. The Force quietly humming through both of you. You didn't know how, but you felt more connected with Kylo. Probably because you two were so close to each other and you did just have a conversation without saying anything out loud. 

After what felt like an eternity, you got so lost in meditation that it took Kylo tapping your knee to get your attention. You open your eyes slowly and blink a few times until his face wasn't blurry anymore.

"So?" he inquired.

"That was... Well, it was amazing. But also strange. Mostly cool. Especially the whole, having a conversation without talking, thing. Can we do that all the time?" you asked and then projected to him, " _Cause that would be so cool."_

_"Yes, now that you're in tune with the Force, you'll be able to talk to me like this if I wish it."_ he replied, without moving his mouth.

Your face broke into a huge grin as you looked at him, which caused him to tilt his head in confusion. It was like he wasn't sure if he was allowed to smile back or not. Which honestly made you sort of sad because if this was how the base was all the time, it must be pretty gloomy. You guessed any place called StarKiller Base wouldn't be all rainbows and sunshine, though.

"You can block me, if you wanted to?" you asked.

"Yes. So could you." he replied. 

You nodded your head and figured he would elaborate on that once he got to teaching it to you. 

"So, what now?" you asked, sounding eager. 

"Truth be told, I didn't expect you to pick that up so quickly. Usually feeling the Force and having a true sense of it takes the longest. But, it is clear you are able to do so. That is all I had planned for today." he replied. You didn't know if he looked impressed or disappointed. You weren't sure either, because you honestly wanted to continue training. 

"What about helping construct my mental shields?" you ask, remembering that was something that he was going to teach you soon.

"I suppose we can get started on that. Everyone shields are different. It is easy to picture them in a physical way. A barrier to keep those who want in, out. Close your eyes." he tells you.

You do as you were told. 

"I am going to reach into your mind. When you go to block me, I want you to look at your shields. They have already been constructed, whether you did it consciously or not." he says.

"Is this going to hurt like last time?" you ask, feeling a wave of nervousness rolling off of you and knowing that he could probably sense it.

"It is not the most comfortable feeling. But it will not be as bad as last time, no." he says, voice soft. You felt a wave of what felt like regret pass through you. Your heart warmed a bit knowing that he felt bad for the first time he got into your mind without you wanting it. 

You nod your head to indicate you are ready and you wait for him to begin his silent attack.

Kylo was right, it didn't hurt as much but it was definitely uncomfortable. He wasn't just trying to talk at you, he was trying to get into your mind. Your memories and the thoughts you did not want him to know. You felt him getting deeper and deeper. It didn't matter if you were getting more comfortable with him, there are still things you did not want him to see because your mind is your own.

With you now being more in tune with the Force, you begin to block him. You are suddenly standing in a long hallway. Straight down, you can tell that every ten feet or so, there is a barrier that can be brought down. You see Kylo Ren marching along the hallway, ready to approach the first barrier. You aren't sure what to do so you let him pass it.

Cursing yourself, you watch him smirk as he grows closer. He passes through two more until it is finally driving you so crazy that when he attempts to pass through the next, it slams right into his face. You let out a yelp of victory for blocking him before he got too close. 

"Very good." he says, finally bringing you back to reality.

You open your eyes and beam at him, "I had no idea that that was possible."

He shrugs, "You are more aware now. But that was letting you off easy. I am going to try again. This time, it will hurt." he says, a dark look going across his face. 

Your stomach does a flip but you nod, knowing that the only way for you to get better is far Kylo to hit you with all he has got. You close your eyes once more.

The attack is immediate and he was right, it's painful. You hear yourself let out a yelp of pain, but whether or not Kylo noticed, it did not matter because he was not easing his attack. All of a sudden you were brought back to the hallway. Kylo was not marching with more ferocity and momentum with a look of pure determination in his eyes. 

Your heart begins to pound, you were too freaked out to close the barriers down that he crossed at first. Trying to get a grip on yourself, you took a deep breath and tried to close the barriers. It was a lot harder this time, he was faster. Every time you closed one, he stepped right through it a moment too soon for you. 

He was getting closer and closer and panic really started to set in. Just then, he pulled out his light saber and he clicked it on. A huge jet of red light came out, along with two on the side. It was crackling, like it was trying to contain all that power. It was unstable. Which made your heart race even more. 

You were not going to allow him to reach you. Once he did, he would have all access to your past, present and all of your thoughts you hold. That could not happen. You would not share anything that you were unwilling to. So, you closed you eyes and took deep breaths. You instantly felt the Force around you, guiding you. 

After a few moments where everything became silent, you opened your eyes to an even closer Kylo Ren. But that was as close as he was going to get because the next barrier he tried to get through, you shut it. He definitely got too close for your liking, only three barriers away. You still did it though, you still managed to keep him out.

Your eyes shot open, "Fuck, yeah!" 

He opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow at you, "I hope you are aware that I will be doing this when you are able to use your light saber. I'll be physically attacking you as well as mentally. It will be much harder."

"Can you just let me celebrate this one thing? All within a span of a few hours, I felt the Force and blocked you out of my head. I think I can call this a victory." you roll your eyes. 

He opened his mouth to reply, but just then a chirping noise went off and his hand flew to his belt that had a communicator on it. He quickly read it, eyes darting left to right. After a few seconds, he shot up from the ground which startled you. You fumbled your way up as well.

"What's going on?" you ask, feeling your head rush from sitting for so long.

"I have to take care of a few things," he said, putting his black cloak on, "We will cut our training to right here for today. My plan was to train you tomorrow but some things have come up and I cannot predict their outcome. It may require my attention for a few days. I will let you know."

"Okay. Thank you, for today. I learned a lot." you say.

He stops suddenly after putting his cloak on and adjusting it, "You are welcome."

You huff out a laugh at his complete lack of knowledge of exchanging pleasantries. He looks curiously at you but doesn't push it and grabs his helmet off of the bed an clicks it on, "I trust you can find your way back to your room?"

"I can manage." you reply.

He nods once and leaves you. You realize he has left you alone in his room. Feeling slightly out of place, you walk out to his living area. Your intention was to leave, but all the books on his shelves caught your attention. And were always curious about, well, everything. But lately you've been more curious about the man that is Kylo Ren. And you can tell a lot from a person by what they like to read on their down time. 

Of course, there were books on the First Order and the Dark Side. You eyes skimmed through that. You weren't interested in that. And by the dust that was collecting on them, neither was he. Or it just had been a long time since he picked them up. 

Your eyes fell to the coffee table that had several books on them that were not about the First Order or the Dark Side. Instead, you recognized them because you used to read them as well. They were adventure books. The books that made you want to become the hero and save the day and get the person of your dreams. It was every persons fantasy. You never expected it to be one of Kylo's. 

How can a man who works for the First Oder, clearly feared, with a temper, read books about the every day hero? Is that what Kylo thinks of himself? Is that what he thinks he's doing for the First Order, becoming the hero? Now that you thought about it, you were not entirely sure that the First Order was supposed to stand for. You just knew that they came to your planet and you managed to wind yourself up at the base. 

You walk back over the books with dust on them and pick up the book about the First Order and you begin to flip through the pages. Apparently, the First Order is dedicated to finding... order, basically. They want rule the entire universe with one set of rules and laws. Their laws. That is... very ambitious of them. 

They think that the universe is too chaotic and that if they all followed these rules, everyone would live peacefully and progress would be made. It talked of the rebellion and the ones that created chaos across the galaxies. You knew this book was biased, considering someone who heavily believed in the First Order wrote it. Logically, you knew one Order controlling the entire universe was next to impossible. There would be too many people who did not agree and as long as those were alive, they were going to have a tough time. 

It talked of the Resistance and how they have been giving the First Order the most trouble. How they always stop them from making stability happen across the universe. And how every last on of them needs to be destroyed, no matter how many. You start to understand the extent of the First Order and how many people are probably being executed this very minute.

Is that why Kylo had to leave? Because the Resistance was causing them trouble and he was going to go kill someone? You knew Kylo was more than capable of killing; he probably had done it multiple times already. You've been trying to push that thought aside since you've begin your training but here it was again, starring you straight in the face.

It was clear that the first sign of opposition to the First Order was death. You shuddered. Part of you was torn. You loved the Force and training and learning more. But you did not know if you could stay with a group that believes in these things and kills people who don't. Then again, you probably didn't have a choice. 

Feeling yourself begin to panic, you close the book and put it away. You sit back down on the couch and close your eyes. The response from the Force is immediate as you begin to mediate. You knew that this was going to be a common thing now that you knew how to do it. 

The Dark Side and the Light Side. You have never really encountered the Light Side and you have a very limited view of what the Dark Side is doing. You don't see the death and destruction that happens because of it but you knew that just because you couldn't see it, didn't mean it wasn't there. It was like you were standing in a room and facing two doors. Both were unlocked but you had to choose one to walk through.

You wonder if this is how Kylo feels. If he had both options open to him and he didn't know what he should choose. You make a mental note to ask him about the next time you train together. 

Ignoring the doors in the room for now, you focus on just your breathing and the hum of the Force. It calms you so much that you find yourself drifting. Before you know it, you fall asleep on Kylo's couch. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be only two chapters and here i am. Not sure how long this is actually going to be now, but I'm aiming for three. Angsty and angry kylo ren will happen next chapter, i promise. this one was just getting too lengthy for me to continue it.


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